When I was 13 my mother died. I went to see a grief therapist who’s name was Dr. Linford. The best over all advice he ever gave me was simply this ” Cover your own ass.” He then explained himself, he said ” So many girls and women give into the damsel in distress archetype Gracie,and that is how they end up victims of men and society. Never put your eggs in one basket and never leave all your money or property in a man’s hands to do with it what he will. You will be told by society and religion that if you are a ” good girl and a good wife.’ you will trust him to make all the financial decisions and to have the final say with the money.. and that is how you will loose your power. Don’t loose yourself in the role of wife and mother; always have your own passions and money..even if it is just a small part time job..always have something saved away for a rainy day.. that keeps a man in check and keeps him from over powering you. Men are socially programmed to dominate and control women; the easiest and most acceptable way to control women is through the purse strings. To be an equal you must demand and command your equality by covering your own ass.”
I did listen to him. I always had my own income even in common law relationships. I always had other interests other than a man or men in general. I wasn’t boy crazy.. but of course I slipped. When my ex husband and I met he had nothing and his small landscaping business was failing. I helped him up an out of his dept hole by teaching him how to choose better partners, to sell the old business and through my own hard work I was able to get a business grant through the federal government by taking a month long course and writing a detailed business plan.. to get that grant he had to legally sign over 51% ownership of the business { guess the government was onto some guys as I was given the grant for being a young female minority } I had legal signing authority over the bank accounts.. but while pregnant with our second child we moved to a different city and opened up new accounts..and while very pregnant the bank manager asked me in front of my husband while he was holding our toddler ” Would you like a lawyer present for formal legal signing authority over the counts?” My then husband answered for me ” Oh we don’t need that, you trust me don’t you sweet heart?” and so I declined the offer.. my ass was then fully exposed to be screwed over.. and so to make a long story short.. by the time our third child was born he had himself a midlife crisis ” it was my fault of course because I didn’t make like perfect enough for him” he left to Mexico with his mistress and best friends .. and locked me out of the business accounts and drained our personal account to 0.00 balance… point proven right :(
And then I went through a sexist legal system that didn’t respect my rights and equality in the marriage..by me not respecting myself enough not to give him full financial authority over me..and so I was denied justice and was cut short by thousands of dollars in the sale of the our house that he thought primarily to belong to him..as women’s work doesn’t matter and as women’s time isn’t as valuable as a man’s time??? Or so he thought and still thinks to this day..but men are socially programmed to believe that women are not as valuable as men..and that is why we cannot fall into the trap of believing that ourselves.
I don’t care how long you have been married or in a relationship; you must have your own source of income, you must have your own car, you must have your own interest, talents or intellect on which you can draw upon to guide you towards making an income for yourself. Many women who become newly single through death or divorce simply focus on finding a new man for financial safety and resources .. when they should be working on their own way to generate for themselves.. we see many women fall into the same patterns of behavior with future relationships and then they wonder why they keep getting financially abused?
These are the realities of the real world.. what do you think would happen to Cinderella if Prince Charming decided she got to old and the parlor maid was to hot to ignore? What happens to her then? Cinderella didn’t own the Kingdom .. it’s all in his name and she is simply an item to discard at his will..
So cover your own ass.. I am now, and I will never make that mistake again.
